It's been two weeks since I posted. I was out of town and didn't have anything prepared ahead of time.
Then, well....I wanted to write about the holiday season being upon us now and my feelings about it, but whatever I have to say is rather negative, and I wasn't sure I wanted to go there with you all.
But... since this is weighing very heavy on my heart, I decided to go ahead and write about it.
Christmas used to be my favorite time of the year. What kid doesn't love Christmas? Kids have nothing to do but soak it all in. They write letters to Santa, help decorate the tree, eat Christmas cookies and basically spend all their time getting excited about the presents on Christmas morning.
As a young adult and especially as a young parent, I still enjoyed Christmas. I loved doing all the same things that my mom did to make the holiday special. Decorating, baking cookies, buying presents, and playing endless Christmas music on the stereo. It was fun watching how excited my children got during this time of year. I loved participating in the fantasy of Santa and the North Pole and the reindeer an elves. It was still magical.
A few years back though, I got burned out. As my kids got older, the magic seemed to disappear. They no longer believe in Santa and the gifts they wanted became more expensive. But this is not about them. It's not their fault. It is more a cultural thing for me at this point.
Two words -- BLACK FRIDAY.
Giving an actual TITLE to a day for shopping-- treating it like another holiday? The creation of a day where everyone goes out to buy and buy an spend and spend like a bunch of mad people.... I don't remember any Black Fridays when I was younger. What is happening in our world that this day even exists? It is just too much. We have sunk to a new low.
And in this economy, how is everyone paying for all that shit they are buying? CREDIT CARDS. This is what is wrong with our culture. Buy now, pay later. Or not. Go bankrupt instead. If people don't have the money now, what makes them think they will have it later? What ever happened to only buying stuff we could actually afford?
Is this what Christmas is supposed to be about?
I know, I know. I don't have to make MY Christmas about this, and why should I care how others choose to spend their Christmas? I care because it affects everyone. Materialism and the focus on STUFF as a source of happiness is just plain wrong. That's why our world is the way it is. People are disconnected and feeling empty. They fill this void by shopping for STUFF.
Shopping is something we do all year long anyway. Why can't we have one time of year when that is NOT the focus?
What if we all boycotted shopping for one Christmas season? Just imagine how that would look. If everyone just focused on their relationships and their communities, what would that look like?
I don't give a damn about supporting the economy by shopping. I do give a damn about supporting my family and my community by not encouraging everyone to go into debt.
I don't know..... the Christmas season just shines a light on all this for me, and it makes me depressed. I find it hard to get excited. I am trying. I am going through the motions. I am trying to keep it sane in my own little world.
I do love baking Christmas cookies and sharing them with my family and friends. I take a tray to our veterinarian's office and the doctor's office, and I love seeing how happy that makes them. I enjoy buying little treats for my co-workers and my kids' teachers. I do enjoy shopping for just the right gift for my special people, and I don't overspend.
I love spending a foggy morning at the Christmas tree farm, choosing a tree, drinking hot cider and riding in Santa's sleigh, even if the kids don't believe anymore. I enjoy the lights on the houses and I adore all the holiday music.
I'm keeping the traditions in my own little family and trying to be cheerful.
I'm thinking about starting some new traditions too, to help myself and my family better focus on giving and community. We do all the donation things that come up, but I'm thinking of some larger scale volunteerism. Something has to change. I really don't like feeling like the Grinch!
How do you stay focused on the good parts of the holiday season?
Yes, isn't it ironic that one day after a celebration of thankfulness for all we have that one would run out to go shopping for more?
ReplyDeleteI hope the true spirit of Christmas is yours this year...your longings for meaning and continuity and purpose are hallmarks of the season that precedes Christmas...Advent... the season of longing..waiting...hoping.
I have missed you. In a good way :) I think many people are feeling the same way as you this holiday season. I like how you are connecting with some old traditions but looking at new ways to bring meaning to the holiday. I have not put up a tree for four years but suddenly this year, I feel like doing it. Strange!
ReplyDeleteI have missed you. In a good way :) I think many people are feeling the same way as you this holiday season. I like how you are connecting with some old traditions but looking at new ways to bring meaning to the holiday. I have not put up a tree for four years but suddenly this year, I feel like doing it. Strange!
ReplyDeleteI think the commercialism has always been there, it seems to be more noticable as your children get older.
ReplyDeleteTO get rid of the bah humbug, you need grand children!
Cranky Old Man
Not only Black Friday, but Cyber Monday and news reports making you feel guilty if you have failed to shop. And then there is the other side--the "shop local" and how important it was to buy local on Black Friday. I was actually sitting here frantically trying to figure out what I could buy from a local vendor until I realized how stupid that was.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I hate all that part of it. With an empty nest it's even more difficult to feel the spirit, especially if your grandchildren are 400 miles away and two of your children are lying out in the cemetery.
I used to love this time of the year. Now I just hunker down and wait for it to pass.
I feel grumpy about Christmas, too, but I think it's more about a long to-do list rather than enjoying the holiday. Like, "Make a gingerbread house," and "buy a wreath," and "decorate the tree" have all become CHORES rather than joys. I think it's time for me to step back and drink some spiked eggnog.
ReplyDeleteI'd never heard of 'Black Friday' but now I've read a few posts and I'm shocked, it even sounds depressing.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking the lights were up a little early here in the south of France, but just yesterday one of my students said she was in Barcelona last week and the festive ambiance hadn't arrived there yet and I thought, good on the Spanish, they are still enjoying the late autumnal sunshine and not ready to embrace Christmas yet, but then gift giving doesn't happen until Jan 5 or 6 in Spain I believe.
I do wonder how much of it is media hype, you are not being shown the quiet and considerate lives of those who don't go in for manic shopping I'm sure.
I'm with Joeh aka Cranky Old Man: grandchildren reignite the magic! I'd lend you one of my two if that were practical and legal and not get me in trouble with the parental units. So how many more years before your progeny can start spawning?
ReplyDeleteWe draw names and only give one gift to that one adult at Christmas. (All my kids are adults.) I started that nouveau poor tradition when I lost my job in '09, and it's gone over very well. The kiddies, of course, have no such limits to receive. Last year it as a $25 maximum; this year it's $40. I asked for a laptop cooling pad for $39! Perfect! Now if I can just get the hubs to downsize his wish list.
The big reason I'm not dreading the holidays this year is that the oldest daughter is hosting, which relieves me of the CHORES! Payback for year after year of not having help. I might even get a live tree this year to savor the sole "chore" of decorating it.
It will get better, Michael Ann. Love will find you again and then the holidays will sparkle and shine.
I'm not much into it this year either. But then, I go in and out of it every other year or so. The simplicity and what the day is all about is totally gone. My goodness, it's Jesus' birthday. It's become such a burden, this new way of doing Xmas. And the expectation of gifts, I don't like it. Also, people eat too much this time of year. We've reduced it to food and stuff.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you all the way in your thoughts on this. And honestly, I'm just glad to be here and I'm able to enjoy my kids.
Thank you for all your comments, everyone. They lift me up!
ReplyDeleteOh my dear. The holidays can be hard. I choose this year to do only those parts of Christmas that I enjoy or brin joy to others. The kids and I already volunteered at the rotating shelter-that makes us feel good. We're planning a kid cookie decorating party. Choosing a few friends to spend time with over big parties is much more fun for me. And cutting back that shopping list is a perfect idea. Or maybe giving gifts from non profits or makin donations would cheer you up. And volunteer-yes! You might need a trip to Nicaragua next summer!
ReplyDeleteOh Michael Ann....we are so alike in so many ways. While reading your post, you hit on all of my own feelings. The only thing that I'm doing different than you, I choose to ignore it (the holiday), like it doesn't exist (just another day). I celebrate the religious side of Christmas (myself), (alone), (keeping my thoughts to myself). ICK!! I'm not helping you any, am I? Someone wrote that grand kids make the holiday season better, but they are getting to the point where everything is material too....UGH! Sorry!! Okay, this Grinch, Scrooge, Donald Duck....will shut-up now. I love your post!
ReplyDeleteMichael Ann - you are so right. This year I went with my aunt for Black Friday, just to get her a new vacuum and it was a mad house in there. We were both asking ourselves what we were doing this early among the crowds and crowds UPON CROWDS.
ReplyDeleteI think it starts with your family. My parents taught me from a young age what Christmas (or any holiday at this time of the year) was all about and I haven't forgotten that, no matter what presents are stuffed under the tree. And I admit, I do go a little crazy over Christmas with presents for people, but I like to give.
And one way you can help is giving something that helps the local community, or is from a non-profit, or some sort of donation. For instance, my brother loves to play guitar so I donated money for music instruments for a community in Africa through this really awesome non-profit that lets you give whole chickens, or cows to communities lacking and so on. He really loved that.
I just always make sure this season is about giving and not receiving.
Now what really bugs me - neighbors competing over Christmas decorations! WOW!
(Sorry I typed an essay).
Michael Ann
ReplyDeleteYou know how I feel I am on the same boat especially about Black Friday. I need to try and get into the spirit though because I have a soon to be 2 year old at home and I want to make it special for her. I remember mine were always so full of joy and fun it has definitely become more commercialized and more gimme gimme gimme.
Welcome back mama
We don't really exchange gifts too much. Everyone buys for the kids. But, I asked a long time ago if we could stop exchanging gifts among the adults. My MIL and my parent's still buy us stuff, but. . . The only thing we get for them are family portraits that we do every year. All year long I try to instill in my kids that "stuff" is not important, people are important. Gotta admit, I do still like to buy my clothes, though. I can't seem to get away from that. But, as far as gadgets & stuff like that, we JUST bought our first WII last year, our TV still has a big ol' butt and my cell phone only calls and barely texts.
ReplyDeleteI would love to start some kind of volunteering. I think it's so important and I think it would really lift your spirits!
Sorry for the novel, here! Keep your chin up! I hope you're able to have a wonderful holiday season in spite of it all!
That is a hell of a post, Michael Ann. I’ve thought for a long while the holidays is too bling. I don’t spend much on gifts anymore because we as a family opt to take vacations. The kids are older and have what they need, which as you noted, we purchase as required during the year. How do I stay sane? I am not overly social and learned almost the moment I uttered the words, ‘I am a writer’, embraced the word, NO. Derivations of this word include, ‘no thank you, no and no and no, and sorry, I’m busy that night, etc., and so on. I will be at my moms for Christmas, which means more writing in the bathtub, but on the flip side, I will have stories to write. The holidays are about the family, the good, the bad, and the very dark and ugly. The hell with shopping and all that nonsense my girl, treat yourself to a yoga class and a good pedicure. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteChristmas has always been a special time for my family and I. We use to celebrate Christmas Eve with my grand parents at their house every year. They've been gone for quite a while and it really hasn't been the same since they've been gone. I miss going to their house and the traditions we had with them. Lately, I've been thinking about them a lot, and all of the memories and I realized, they would be really disappointed if we lost our Christmas spirit and they would want us to continue on with our lives and those traditions as well as create new ones. I have nephews now and we need to make it special for them, so they can enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteI think what is keeping me focused the most on the good parts of Christmas are the kids, not just the kids I know personally, but the children all over the world who view Christmas as a magical time. There are kids who have nothing and won't get to have Christmas and won't get a visit from Santa. A lot of those kids have more spirit and more hope than anyone. Even if Santa does't come, they still believe in him or they believe in the spirit of Santa. It makes me realize how lucky I am to have such a wonderful family whom I've gotten to celebrate Christmas with my whole life. I realize I have no reason not to love Christmas, I've been blessed.
Anyway, I really hope you will be able to find your Christmas spirit. Here's the thing, even though I am an adult and I've known that there is no such thing as Santa since I was probably about 6 or 7, I still in my heart believe in him, I believe in the spirit of Santa. I still believe in the magic of Christmas. I think once people lose that, that's when they lose their Christmas spirit. So, maybe you could try letting Santa back into your heart and encourage your kids to do the same. My grandma was the one who blew it for me when I was about 6-7, I asked her and she gave me an honest answer, but she told me to believe in the spirit of Santa and that has stayed with me ever since and it's helped me.
Anyway, sorry for leaving a book, I hope I didn't bore you. My name is Sarah, I found your blog through Monday Mingle and am now following via GFC. I would love for you to stop by, I have my Holiday edition going right now. Feel free to follow back.
Thanks and Happy Holidays!
I found your blog via Monday Mingle & also am a new follower.
ReplyDeleteI keep out of the black Friday gift buying mess of the season. I like to donate to charity, put up a tree and make chex mix. It makes for a more fun and stress free season.
Brooke
http://cupcakecucumber.blogspot.com
Michael Ann, I know what you're saying and 95 percent of me agrees. 5 percent is my reality check in that I don't want our economy to tank. It's been doing badly enough as it is. But you are so right about our childhood years. It was never like this. I hate the concept of BF and what it's doing to our society, bringing out the worst in people. The pressure of it is awful and that's why I proposed in one of my posts to move it to July because it seems to be overpowering Thanksgiving. When people stop loving a (perceived) bargain, then maybe BF will shrink in size and importance. Until then, it'll probably continue to get worst. Worst, being BF starts early Thanksgiving morning. I used to love that all stores, including grocery stores, were closed on Thanksgiving and Christmas. I don't know when it changed, but it did. It is a sad reflection on our society, but also a necessary one.
ReplyDeleteMichael Ann, I know what you're saying and 95 percent of me agrees. 5 percent is my reality check in that I don't want our economy to tank. It's been doing badly enough as it is. But you are so right about our childhood years. It was never like this. I hate the concept of BF and what it's doing to our society, bringing out the worst in people. The pressure of it is awful and that's why I proposed in one of my posts to move it to July because it seems to be overpowering Thanksgiving. When people stop loving a (perceived) bargain, then maybe BF will shrink in size and importance. Until then, it'll probably continue to get worst. Worst, being BF starts early Thanksgiving morning. I used to love that all stores, including grocery stores, were closed on Thanksgiving and Christmas. I don't know when it changed, but it did. It is a sad reflection on our society, but also a necessary one.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree, and am having a hard time getting excited about Christmas and I have 2 little boys that are super excited about it! I think because their focus isn't on celebrating Christ's birth anymore, but the toys they see advertised...
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your honest thoughts about the holiday and consumerism madness. I was at the mall the weekend after Thanksgiving and I thought to myself that the economy surely can't be that bad! I love the holiday time -- like you mentioned, the lights, the music, etc. But I think it has long since lost its meaning of not just religious (because I'm fine with the fact that for some people, it's just not about that and I'm one of them), but even just the kind and giving spirit of the holidays.
ReplyDeleteI'm actually Jewish, so I have always thought it's so crazy how Hanukkah has been made to be "our" Christmas. It's such a minor holiday and in no other place are gifts exchanged. But we needed to "compete" with Christmas. Isn't that a sad reflection of the meaning (or lack thereof) of the holidays?!
---I used to LOOOVE Christmas, but after my sister's murder, I dread it...
ReplyDeleteI really do...
but my family is making me do certain things I used to. For example, Bake cookies.
Great post. Love the idea of giving them away :)) xx
Michael Ann, this post has managed to make us sit up and take notice. Indeed, why have we caved to the consumerism monster. It's sickening, I tell you. This year we're having a "homemade" gift exchange in my little family. All four members, including Roxy, are to make something with their hands. Roxy can give a cuddle, or doggy kisses, or keep someone company by sitting on their lap. The rest of the tribe can write a poem, or make a song dedication, or do a drawing, whatever they want as long as no purchase is made. I want to get back to the basics. To traditions like the ones you mention--making cookies, listening to Christmas music, riding a sled. Okay, so I won't be able to ride a sled, but I can make a snow angel if it snows! Yes, I'm joining you in this back to Christmas the way it used to be movement! :)
ReplyDeleteWow! And I thought i was the only one. I'm still fighting to get back my Christmas spirit. I don't have much time because Christmas is right around the corner and I haven't even put up the tree yet...
ReplyDeleteLove your post. ONe Christmas our family thought, instead of buying gifts lets give the gift of helping others and working at a food pantry or a place where people come for a Christmas meal. To me. the time and effort is more well spent then small talk over endless food and gifts that are not thoughtful.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy your writing very much. One added quality would be to make your reader feel your feeling through your words as opposed to describing them so clearly yourself. A quality I'm still working on. We will learn together how to do this.
ReplyDeleteThank you for stopping by my blog earlier and pointing out that I'm not the only one feeling frustrated about Christmas. I'm following you, now, and I feel like I could have written your post myself. Our society really has the focus in the wrong place! If you are interested, I have started a Facebook page to try to battle my anger with Christmas. It is called A Healthy Home-Made Holiday. You can find it here: http://www.facebook.com/pages/A-Healthy-Home-Made-Holiday/287957821242575?ref=tn_tnmn I have tips on home-made gifts and recipes. Basically I'm trying to bring the fun back to a holiday I am quickly learning to despise. Gees, that sounds SO negative, but I really can't seem to pull positive out right now. I'm ready for this holiday to be over now.
ReplyDelete